I was thinking about thepas tNew Years and few came up to mind, since they have some how impressed me more than the rest.
Here they are:
1984
Mum, aunt and grandma are in the kitchen since the morning. They boil, fry, chop and bake… The speed and quantity of the manu items are amazing. Dad and aunt‘s husband are called to the kitchen at some point in order to slice the ham and basturma. ”Thiner, thiner!” I hear womens‘ instructions.
Meanwhile grandpa is watching TV and I am running around the appartment anticipating Santa‘s visit, since the food is not a seduction at that age yet.
The evening comes, we all sit at the table, enjoy the meal, watch TV and I go to bed knowing that Santa will leave his preasant under my pillow.
1985
Part of the magic is gone. Few month ago a friend told that there is no Santa and the presents are from our parents. I was extremely dissappointed… It is so difficult to give up favourite illusion. To think only, my ”special Santa gifts” were things bought by parents in ordinary shops…
So this New Year was more less the same as the previous one, but with less magic and anticipation. I did not realize it first, but by that small dissappointment I was starting to grow up.
1995
I am the Armenian embassy in Brussels. The whole staff with their families are celebrating together there. As always I am sent to the floor where the children are – to babysit. Somehow by default that is the way it is… I am irritated, I don‘t like kids, I am bored and annoyed…
At some point the phsychological pressure reaches its highest level and I fall into hysterical condition. Afront of everyone I cry, shout, accuse my mum and … get the sympathy of the whole staff …
1998
I am invited at friend‘s house. It is a very big nice house with a garden. The croud is very diverse, from our uni friends, to her older professional contacts and some art people. I am there early to help out prepare cavier canapes and the punch. She has the best finnish vodka frozen in the fridge.
Basically we ate much less than we drank. Had a big firework in the garden and set a nice bush on fire. Firefighted a bit. Sat and made jokes which all were funny since we were drunk. Went home.
In general all was nice, but somehow I felt so out of place. My empty and dark room seemed a better place.
1999
I was alone with another lonely friend from Armenia in Brussels. All friends were away and we had absolutely no plans and no mood for the New Year. I am at her campus, where there is student party. We do not know anyone there but gatecrash it. Spent few minutes only watching strangers dance, drink beer and puke.
We are out in the park, sitting on a bench. It is freezing cold, stars are shining in the sky. We both are silent, making wishes in our minds.
When we no longer feel our hands and feet we go to the room, make a sad sigh and go to sleep.
***
People say that how the upcoming year will be depends on how you celebrate it. Recalling the above New Years I can definitely tell that it is not true.
How the year will be depends only on you, your decision, actions, goals and dreams. And it does not matter where you are, with whom and how you feel on New Years eve, what matters is what do you choose – to be happy next year or not.
I choose happiness and no one can take it away from me !